.the mind is a beautiful thing.

Terrified Waiting Listening Wiping away my tears As I hear footsteps Praying it isn't you I remember being little Not old enough to count to twenty And being terrified Not knowing whether it was mommy or sissy Coming up the stairs Now there's only one And I'm a little girl again I'm scared I don't want to hurt again

You're shaking You're trembling Stop it Stop it Stop it You're fine Get up Get the fuck over it Get up Get up Get up You're fine You deserve this You deserve this You deserve this You knew better You're bracing yourself You're not safe anymore You're waiting Waiting Waiting It's coming You just don't know when And you're terrified

You're not allowed to cry You can't be scared You brought this on yourself This is all your fault You should have kept your head down You should have been nicer You should have known You should be better You should be good You know how to be good You know better It's not anything new Get over it You shouldn't have assumed you were safe You should have known You should have known You've been here before You're scared You're scared You're scared You have no one to blame Besides yourself

I keep having this thing called memories And then I have dreams And sometimes I don't know how to distinguish the two. I had a friend I miss them They promised not to be a ghost in college And now I'm just left wishing I'd held that hug A little bit longer. I haven't thought of her in months I broke things off, moved on So why is she suddenly in my dreams When I desperately need her to leave. I can't help but think I've got some purpose Some reason to "repent" Because why would this all be hitting me right now If it was just my imagination. I feel like I'm drowning in my past sometimes And I just want the good back I want the friends and the happiness The hope I used to have. I don't want to keep living on sheer spite I don't want to live in fear of slowing down I can't handle spending the rest of my high school career Just scraping to get by. I'm running on empty Even though my head is so, so full But it won't stop It won't...