E.

You scare me.

Genuinely.

It's stupid to feel so scared of you

But I can't help it.

Did I ever matter to you?

Or did you just want someone to tell you

You were amazing?

I brought it on myself.

I led you on.

I asked for it.

I wanted it.

I've never been so messed up

Over something so small.

Hands, mouths, tears, scars

And what scares me most

Of it all

Is one awkward mistake.

I'd ruin your reputation.

I'd ruin your friends.

I'd ruin you.

I love you

I care about you

I never want you to be put out

By those you love.

I know the feeling too much

To ever want you to feel it too.

Even if its honest

I'll keep my mouth shut.

I'll pretend it didn't happen.

I'll smile around you

And pretend you're a good person

Even if

I know.